suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
