This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The maid of honor just puked.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
