Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
