don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
