And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
