Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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