I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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