Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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