I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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