I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
