I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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