In the future we'll all be gay
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
