Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
