So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
