i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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