singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
