hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I will die if light touches me.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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