one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
