From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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