I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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