Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
