There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
