I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
