Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
