One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
