He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
