I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize