I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Randomize
