last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
