i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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