he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
