It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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