so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
