YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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