I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
