i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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