My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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