have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
