It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
