i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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