I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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