At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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