I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
