you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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