hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
