I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
