nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
