You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
