Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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