do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
