Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
