do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
