I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
