i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
