Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
