just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
