She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
