That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
