dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
