I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
