we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
