i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
