Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
