she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
