So drunk its hurt
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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