Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
