his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
