Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize