i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
