I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It's just like the Real World with babies
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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