sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I wish there were birth control emojis
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
