I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
