This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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