Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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