Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
