I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
