Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
