on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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