His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
