are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
