Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
