It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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