True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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