nut hugger
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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