dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
