Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
