Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
