We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
