I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
