he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
