mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
