so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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