Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
well I can't set my house on fire every night
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
