from now on my penis is your penis
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
